Hi my name is Donna Preedy and welcome to my blog where I’m going to show you how to handle conflict like an absolute pro.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last 10 years I’m sure you’ve had interactions with people … and wherever there are people and communication, there is the potential for conflict.
Conflict can take many forms. It could be an argument, a disagreement, or even just the feeling that someone has annoyed you and you’re stewing on it. No matter where you fall on the spectrum – whether you openly engage in conflict or tend to retreat and bottle things up – I’m sure you’ll pick up some useful tips.
Let’s get into it and break down the 3 key elements to handling conflict effectively.
1. Understanding Values: The Root of Conflict
If someone has touched a nerve with you, or vice versa, chances are that a core value has been challenged. Take a moment to recognise this and ask yourself, “What value of mine has been triggered?” Identifying this can help you understand why a conflict is affecting you so deeply.
Now we need to remember that it’s not just about you. Understanding the other party’s values is just as important. Knowing what matters to them helps you communicate in a way that resonates.
There are people we naturally get along with and there are people who feel like sandpaper against our personalities. I can tell you what the key to dealing with them is. Understand what’s important to them! When you communicate your message to them through the lens of their values you increase your chances of getting through to them effectively. If you don’t take the time to do this don’t expect them to do it for you which means the conflict could drag on longer than necessary. So, my first tip is get to know the values of the other party.
2. Challenge Your Assumptions
The next element we need to consider is what assumptions are you making about the situation?
The problem with assumptions is that they serve a purpose – they help us process information quickly. Without them, our brains would be overwhelmed but in conflict, assumptions can be dangerous.
If you find yourself in a conflict, pause and ask, “What assumptions am I making?” Are you predicting the worst-case scenario? Are you assuming history will repeat itself? Just because past discussions have escalated it doesn’t mean every conversation will.
I worked with a client who was convinced that a negotiation would turn into a screaming match simply because it had happened before. But that’s not a given and by recognising that assumption they were able to approach the conversation differently, leading to a much more productive outcome.
So I want you to take a step back and evaluate your assumptions. They could be influencing your reactions more than you realise.
3. Focus on Your Intended Outcome
For this element I want you to think about what you want to achieve from the conversation? Too often, we get caught up in the emotions of the conflict and forget to focus on what we want to achieve or, the end goal.
If you aren’t clear on your intended outcome your subconscious will default to your assumptions and I’m a firm believer of what we focus on, we create. If you believe the discussion will be hostile, you may unconsciously contribute to that outcome. Instead, take a moment to define what you want to accomplish.
Write it down, type it in your phone, or just say it out loud – whatever helps you get clear on your goal. Ask yourself, “What do I want to create from this situation?” This mindset shift can make a significant difference in how you approach and resolve conflicts.
Final Thoughts
To handle conflict like a pro, my 3 key takeaways for you are:
- Understand the values of the other party so you can communicate more effectively.
- Check your assumptions to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.
- Stay focused on your desired outcome to create a more productive discussion.
1 last point that I find works really well is that whenever you enter a conflict, let the other person know that your intention is to find a solution. When people see that your goal is resolution they are more likely to work with you rather than against you.
I hope these tips help you navigate conflicts with confidence and clarity. To hear more from me about Handling Conflict Like a Pro and lots of other topics check out my YouTube channel.
Don’t forget to share this and reach out to me if you have any questions or comments.